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Snarl! Of the Month-- Leather Spinsters Every Wednesday like clockwork, I meet my friends at our favorite hangout for drinks, appetizers, and laughter. Five professional thirty-three year olds giggling and nibbling on buffalo wings and potato skins is a welcome relief from the mid-week deman ds of our jobs. We're easygoing, at least we thought so, until a couple of weeks ago when an old classmate decided to join us. The night started with the usual, but when Patty decided to bombard us with her lesbian-feminist propaganda, the table fell sile nt. Now I don't know what silenced the others at the table when Patty changed our happy upbeat discussion to one of protest, but I remember having to take deep breathes just to avoid being insulted by one comment she made. Patty said that lesbians needed m ore visibility. More visibility? Hell, they're on every show, in every office of the government, on their own business networks and communities...what on earth was she talking about? Usually I'm the last to voice a negative comment but that day was different. I told Patty that she was at the wrong table if she was here to drum up support for the lesbian cause because I simply didn't see why they needed more visibility than any othe r group. As I could see, they have their share. Patty was understandably insulted by my comment, but when she said that it was easy for "straights" to have that attitude, the entire table started talking at once. What Patty had no way of knowing at that t ime, but soon found out, was that no one at the table ever called herself straight ù we're leather spinsters, women who freely live without mates. So when the cat was let out of the bag and full disclosure of our leather spinsterhood was made, Patty barked that there were no such groups and even if there were, they didn't need visibility because they didn't contribute anything to the "cause." Tha t seems to be the general concensus of those that've heard of us ù we didn't contribute to the making of this culture at all; we sat passive while others did their part. There are two reasons why many don't think we've made any contributions to the "cause." One, people always lumped us (and our foremothers) into two groups ù lesbians and feminists. Two, our version of the "cause" is different than that of our feminist and gay counterparts ù "just do it" was the motto long before Nike adopted the phrase. No marching and bra burning ù you want to work in a certain field, get educated and go to work. That's what the leather spinsters of the past did. They didn't beg for g overnmental handouts or intervention to force companies to hire women; they used their own ways. Since visibility is so important to the lesbian "cause" letÆs talk about how it pertains to leather spinsters. Our need to see and know others like ourselves is no different than the lesbiansÆ. I've yet to meet a leather spinster that didn't think some thing was wrong with her for not wanting boyfriends or girlfriends since we have to live in a world with the same sexual and gender expectations. To not know anyone that feels as you do could prove to be stressful, to say the least, as a teenager, but to never get validation could be depressing as a adult. Now I know you're saying that a woman should validate herself and not care about ever meeting others like herself, but no one wants to be an island next to a continent; companionship and identification is a humanly need. Leather spinsterhood is sometimes a result of past relationships gone awry, or a lack of interest in sexual contact, a reason which has been expressed by three of the five Wednesday group members. Whatever the reason, this segment of the female populac e is alive and well, and living in every part of the world. It's time to give a voice to our "cause." We want more books Written about us, accurate depictions of our existence in this culture, in the movies and shows we watch. Is all that too much to ask? If so, I must then direct questions to fellow leather spinsters: when will we start making ourselves known to each ot her so that future generations of leather spinsters will have rolemodels? When will we start writing books, movies, and songs about the glories of being us? What will it take for us to draw a line of distinction between us and the gay community because fo r so long the two have been one and the same in the minds of the main population? (The reasoning is, if a woman don't want marriage to aman, and likes living alone, then she must be gay ù as if not wanting ommitted intimacy is a sure sign of homosexuality .) Please don't misunderstand my intentions; I'm not bashing lesbians. I'm letting others know that leather spinsters exist and donÆt assume that we're lesbians simply because we don't want husbands and the "white picket fence dream." Don't preach to us a bout visibility of the gay community; it is we and our visibility that have some growing to do, and in using the "we" word I'm including our asexual brothers who also struggle in this culture for lifestyle survival. I doubt my old classmate Patty would ev er like to share another Wednesday evening us, the "ol high strung spinsters." After all, we don't really exist now do we? For the record, I would like to mention that I did find a book about us (leather spinsters in the 90s), and it's called Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees by Rle Eng, though few bookstores sell this book, it may be ordered. It was well worth the wait and hassle in buying it. A website dedicated to leather spinsters can be found at: http://leatherspinsters.com.
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[Snarl! of the month] [I Don't Care What You Think] |
